The Diagnsis (ses)

 

    I feel it is important to point out, before moving on to the "One Year Later" part, that one of the neurologists, he was actually the one who diagnosed me....told me that I would "not fall through the cracks...again", he was the one who referred to the University of Louisville Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizure Clinic, with the promise that I would make a full recovery. I held onto that. I am young, I have a husband who is disabled with a back that we are preparing for surgery on, and two kids. I wanted to believe I would recover fully. 

    The neurologist that promise me that, left the hospital. The neurologist, at the PNES clinic found it not to be important enough for me to be notified that my appointment was reset out 8 weeks. I reached out to his APRN, and was told there was nothing she could do with the symptoms that are slowly showing their faces. So now, at 42, I can't write. No, my brain stops telling my hand what to write after the first word. My balance is unsteady, and has caused me to fall. I did not expect a full-recovery within a year. But I surely didn't expect to "fall between the cracks" again. 

    So this time, after much research done by my husband, and my sister, we have discovered that there is what I actually have is called "Functional Neurological Disorder", which is an umbrella term for all the things I have going on. Do I have to check each box? No, but I check all but one. So, I went to my primary care doctor last week, and I asked for help.

    So, while I can tell you that you can go look it up, I'll give you the gist. For me, it is unresolved trauma. So, back at the beginning the the year, right before I was hospitalized, I was in therapy. This therapist had been with me for close to 3 years. She suddenly had to leave. That, my friends, is the straw that broke the camel's back and I had an emotional breakdown. That was traumatizing. My body and my mind, had already had it's fill, and that is ONE of the causes of FND. It is actually said that it's unknown of what causes it. But I digress

    I don't trust easily. I simply don't. It took me a year to feel like I was ready to invest time into another therapist to work through trauma. I have started therapy recently, and I am hesitant, but I believe she'll be able to help me. And for now, after overloading your brains, we'll talk tomorrow.